


Villain, I Have Done Thy Mother

by bitheby



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi and Kenma are also roommates, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Bokuto Koutarou & Kuroo Tetsurou Are Roommates, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, M/M, Mutual Pining, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Kozume Kenma, Other, Pining, Trans Character, Trans Kozume Kenma, actually maybe it is who knows, bokuto uses they/them, but not necessarily who you think, but the scenes are all so short I'm not sure if there's much of any emotion in them, kenma uses he/him and they/them interchangeably, kuroo stop running yourself into the ground challenge failed 2020, nonbinary bokuto, this was supposed to be fluffy and angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:29:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25855150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitheby/pseuds/bitheby
Summary: Kuroo was happy when Bokuto and Akaashi started dating. Really, he was. Even if it was just because now it gave him an opportunity to get over his not-at-all-a-crush crush on a certain beautiful someone and focus on his definitely-an-actual-crush crush on another beautiful someone.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou/Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Akaashi Keiji/Kozume Kenma, Akaashi Keiji/Kuroo Tetsurou, Bokuto Koutarou/Kozume Kenma, Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 8
Kudos: 114





	Villain, I Have Done Thy Mother

**Author's Note:**

> No, this title doesn't really have much to do with the actual story, but it's one am and I am so tired but just want to actually finish this it's been a half-finished draft for nine months, so I might end up changing it at some point but for now it's sticking because I love that line

Kuroo was happy when Bokuto and Akaashi started dating. _Really_ , he was. Even if it was just because now it gave him an opportunity to get over his not-at-all-a-crush _crush_ on a certain beautiful someone and focus on his definitely-an-actual-crush crush on _another_ beautiful someone. It especially helped that they were all going to the same school now and were lucky enough to get dorms that were right next to each other, so they all basically had one giant room.

‘ _Although_ ,’ Kuroo thought, ‘ _we might have to do a bit of roommate swapping sometime_.’

“Hey, Kenma,” he called across the room, “you wanna have a sleepover tonight?”

“Alright, sure.”

‘ _Score_.’

Kuroo’s plan was—dare he say—actually working for once. It was no problem at all convincing the lovebirds to “unintentionally” lock him out of his and Bo’s room a few times a week, giving him plenty of Kenma time. Most of it was spent listening to Kenma play one of his games while Kuroo slaved his way through his enormous amounts of chemistry homework. Come to think of it, he’d never actually _seen_ the other do any of their homework so far this year. Ah, the joys of being a first-year.

“Kuro, can you translate this dialogue for me?”

“Another long, expositional cutscene?”

“Yeah.”

“You _do_ know you can change that to Japanese in the settings, right?”

“Too much work.”

“Sure, Kenma, just bring it here. I’m due for a break from this problem set anyways.”

“Fine. But move over, you’re hogging the chair.”

“Mmm, nope. What was that you said? ‘Too much work?’ Besides, there’s still a little space here for you to sit.” Despite his teasing, he was about to move over to make room for his friend, but they plopped down next to him, pressing his leg up against him. Kuroo, hard as he might, could not suppress the not-insignificant flutter that he felt.

As he worked on deciphering the lines on the screen in front of him, he felt a heavy weight settle on his shoulder. His eyes immediately unfocused from the task in front of him, trying to keep his breathing as steady as possible. Feeling like Orpheus escaping the Underworld, he resolutely kept his head trained forward, worried he’d scare off the gentle silence that had fallen over them.

“Kuro…”

“Oh, uh, yeah. Hold up, so, uh, this villain is saying that your mission is futile, there’s a traitor in your midst, etc. etc. Except…I don’t know what this word right here is. It looks like it might be something about fire? Or maybe water?”

“Well, which one is it? I have to choose the right equipment in order to beat him.”

“Uh…”

“Hey, Kuroo!! Kenma!!”

“Are you and Akaashi done canoodling then? Am I finally allowed back into _our_ room?”

“Bro, who even says ‘canoodling’ even more, you’re such an old geezer.”

“Says the person who’s literally majoring in _Shakespearean English Literature_.”

“Hey, man! Who is it that literally tutored you until you passed that class you had to take last semester?”

“…you did, Bo. Hey! Do you think you could help us with this dialogue here? I’m not sure what this word right here means, does this part mean ‘fire’ or ‘water’?”

“Kuroo…bro…that means ‘chair’,” they said, leaning over the both of them.

“Ah, thanks, Koutarou,” Kenma said, sliding off Kuroo’s chair and making their way back to his bed.

“Kou…”

“Hey hey hey!! You said ‘Koutarou’!!”

“It _is_ your name.”

“Yeah, but you never call me _any_ name!!”

Kuroo looked over in disbelief only to see Kenma’s face buried deep in his game. Still, he could see the tip of his, very _very_ red, ears over the top of the console. He felt the happy bubble that had been residing in his chest all week start to shrink.

Over the next few weeks, it only became more and more obvious how Kenma felt about Bokuto. And Kuroo was sad, of _course_ he was sad, his best friend was quickly falling in love with his very taken other best friend.

And the worst part was, he couldn’t even _blame_ Kenma. Especially not when he was fresh off his not-at-all-a-crush crush on Akaashi. And it’s not like Koutarou was unattractive or unappealing at all.

It was just…disappointing.

Disappointing because he thought that maybe, _maybe_ , he’d finally have a chance. Disappointing because instead of being the two heartbroken souls who come together in a moment of mutual understanding, they’re the two pining friends who can’t talk about it with each other.

And _especially_ disappointing because he thought for _sure_ that if Kenma fell for anyone, it would be their childhood friend, not the friend he can only stand half the time.

Oh well.

At least two of them were happy.

Once Bokuto and Akaashi’s honeymoon had started waning slightly and they were less over-the-top-cheesy in public, they resumed their daily group hangouts. Except now…it was different.

They were still disgustingly adorable, sure, but Kenma was hardly talking to anyone, Akaashi kept whispering comments to Bokuto every five minutes, and Bokuto kept giving him weird glances. Of course he knew about Kuroo’s crush on Kenma, _everyone_ knew about his crush on Kenma. But now it was less encouraging and more pitying.

That was not appreciated.

The more they all hung out again, the stronger the jealousy Kuroo felt. Towards Bokuto, for Kenma’s affection; towards Akaashi, for _Bokuto’s_ affection; and towards Kenma, for all the attention Bokuto and Akaashi were giving them…?

He hardly had time to process what any of these ugly feelings could mean, what with midterms right around the corner, and a million projects due every day, but they managed to stick around.

Eventually, two days after midterms had wrapped up and Kuroo thought he might finally be able to sleep for the first time in a week, Bokuto called a mandatory movie night.

“You’re working too hard, Tetsu!” they explained. “We all need a break! I’m buying the popcorn, Keiji picked out the movie, and you and Kenma are in charge of making the best blanket fort for us by the time we get there!”

“You’re probably right, I’ll go let them know. When do we need to have it set up by?”

“Eh, probably like half an hour or so? That’s enough time, right?”

“Wha— _half an hour_?? That’s not enough time to draw out the _sketches_ , much less _build the whole thing_ …KOUTAROU GET BACK HERE AND EXPLAIN YOURSELF.”

Miraculously, they were somehow able to build a fort up to Bokuto’s impossible standards in only half an hour. That, of course, didn’t matter, because as soon as he entered the room, Akaashi decided it would make a nice mattress and collapsed onto it.

“What the _fuck_ , Akaashi!”

“Oh, sorry,” he said, turning to look at Kuroo with a smirk. “Were you using this?”

That _bastard_. Kuroo knew exactly what Akaashi was trying to do and the worst part was that it was fucking _working._

Before his brain could completely melt into a puddle of goo, however, Bokuto came up with a solution. “Well, if you’re so upset about it, I guess you’re allowed to lay on it too, Tetsu.”

“Lay— _lay_ on it?? That is my _child_ , Kou, I can’t just _suffocate_ her!”

“Fine by me, bro, but I call Kenma dibs!”

“But they’re already up in their bed!” Kuroo protested, looking at his _best friend_ in disbelief. They were really just going to torture him like this?

“…They’re fine,” came Kenma’s quiet response.

“Well, if I get Kenma, then you can take Keiji!”

“Fine by me,” Akaashi shrugged, pulling Kuroo next to him.

Oh yeah. Today was _definitely_ Torture Kuroo Day.

That had to have been the weirdest movie night they’d had before, _including_ the time that Kuroo had decided to try and experiment with a microwave.

(Spoiler alert, it led to them not being allowed back into their building for a solid thirty minutes while the fire department tried to figure out what kind of dumbass tried to microwave a _grape_ of all things.)

It was so weird because instead of Bokuto being loud with Kuroo or sappy and sweet with Akaashi, they were being soft with Kenma. _Soft._ _Bokuto._ It was almost too cute to override the weirdness. Instead of Akaashi being gross with Bokuto or making fun of Kuroo and Bokuto with Kenma, he was curled up next to Kuroo, whispering his snarky comments to _him_ instead. Kenma wasn’t talking, which wasn’t too unusual, especially of late, but there _was_ a clearly visible smile on their face, which _was_ unusual.

But the weirdest part of it all was probably how un-weird it was. It felt almost natural for Kenma and Bokuto to be distracted by Kenma’s game while Kuroo and Akaashi were dissecting all the inaccuracies of the movie, instead of any other variation.

The next few weeks felt as though they had never quite left the season of midterms behind them and schoolwork had only gotten worse. Even Kenma and Akaashi were up late doing homework or studying more often than not, often joining Kuroo and Bokuto in their room. This, unfortunately, made it far too crowded for Kuroo’s brain, so he found himself more and more alone in the library.

It also helped to get away from all the looks the other three were sending each other whenever they were together. Kuroo wasn’t sure what was going on with them, but he was resigned to the fact that they might have all figured him out.

Come on, even _he_ had finally put two and two together and realized that his feelings for Bokuto might go beyond the casual “of course they’re hot” gayness and gone full-on into crush territory.

Besides, if he just stayed away long enough, maybe all his feelings would go away. That’s how they worked, right?

Thankfully, he currently had enough exams and projects to work on for the next month or two so it wouldn’t seem too suspicious for him to suddenly be very absent from many of their group activities. Sure, he still shared a room with Bokuto/Kenma, depending on who was spending the night with Akaashi…not like Kuroo was jealous at all though, and he was in the same math class as Akaashi (the smart-ass), but the vast majority of his free time was spent in the library, grinding away on the endless pile of assignments.

The day after his last test before finals, though, he didn’t even wake up for more than ten minutes at a time before passing out again. Guess four caffeine-fueled consecutive all-nighters in a row will do that to a person.

He eventually woke up the next day to the other three all in his room, not doing anything in particular, but all clearly waiting for him to wake up. He looked around the room, a sense of dread filling his stomach. “Wait, what’s wrong? Did something happen? Is my dad okay?”

“Your dad is fine, Kuro.”

“Well, except for the fact that he’s called about five times in the last week wondering when his pain-in-the-ass son is going to call him back.”

Kuroo smiled sheepishly. “Thanks for that, Akaashi. I’ll make sure to call him later today when I’m a little more awake…Okay then if nothing’s wrong, then why is everyone…here? And…watching me?”

“Tetsu, we’ve hardly seen you in two weeks, which is especially concerning since we _live_ with you. Don’t blame us for feeling a little worried about you.”

“I mean, that’s really sweet, thank you bro, but you know you don’t need to worry about me, right? If there was anything like, _actually_ wrong with me, you’d probably see it on the news or something.” After getting no response, he tried a different angle, “So does anyone want to actually do anything now that classes are done with? We can go to the arcade or go catch a movie or—”

“We’re getting lunch then going to the park, leaving in half an hour,” Akaashi said, tossing a pair of jeans and a shirt that was _theoretically_ clean to him. “Shower, do whatever you need to get ready, but if you’re not dressed in 30 minutes, we’re leaving without you and can only promise to maybe bring back some for you.”

After almost collapsing in the shower from exhaustion and hunger, Kuroo was dressed with 60 seconds left, frantically trying to tie his shoes as his friends look down at him from the doorway. “Alright! Where we going then, gays?”

“That bakery downtown! Kenma suggested it!”

“I did not suggest that. I said I wanted to have apple pie for lunch, and you said it wasn’t a complete meal, but that we could still go there because they also serve ‘actual food’. Keiji’s the one that found the actual place.”

“Hey, I like the attempt at air quotes! But yes, fine, it was a team decision. And if you’re still hungry after that, there’s always the food trucks right before the park that we can stop at.”

“Yes, okay, cool, but can we go now because I don’t think I’ve eaten anything in almost 48 hours and I _really_ don’t want this to be how I go out.” He hurried to his feet then stopped, suddenly dizzy. Kenma grabbed his hand to keep him from falling over, only that just made him sit down even harder. Brushing off their concerned glances, he got up again and walked out of the room, starting in surprise when Bokuto threw their arm around his shoulders.

“Wait, bro, I don’t think I ever told you about that essay I had to do for my class on the language Shakespeare uses in his plays? Because those comments you made really helped me out there, turns out no one had ever thought to chronologize his experimentation with the English Language in terms of the type of play he was writing at the time and my professor said I might have a legit thesis on my hands if I put in enough time! I mean, I probably won’t because I have volleyball and everything going on and, you know, passing the _rest_ of my classes but I never would’ve thought to write my paper on it if you hadn’t been trying to shit talk the best playwright in history so I really have to thank you for that!”

Kuroo only laughed, then asked, “Okay, that’s great and all, but when are you going to write that paper tracing meme usage from the ‘yo mamma’ play until grumpy cat?”

“Okay skipping over the part where you just called one of his most controversial pieces ‘the yo mamma play’, I think I might actually have a chance next semester since I think one of my classes is covering it, but it honestly depends on which professor is teaching it because that would really change the whole mood of the class and it might change what topics I have to write my papers on and…”

With lunch eaten and apple pie partially stolen from Kenma’s plate, Kuroo was looking forward to their afternoon at the park, especially now that he could actually relax and maybe take a nap. He found a nice tree to bask in the shade of or whatever and was just making himself comfortable when he heard Akaashi speak. “Okay, now that you’re not going to keel over from malnutrition, time to talk.”

He craned his neck up towards him. “Talk? About…what?”

“Well, you haven’t exactly been subtle with us, especially recently.”

“S-Subtle? About what? I’ve hardly been around you; how can I be not-subtle about anything?” Kuroo’s heart started racing. Not only had they confronted him about his feelings, they had staged a full-on _public intervention_. Sure, there wasn’t anyone else actually there at the moment, but that doesn’t mean there couldn’t be!

“Kuro. Please. It’s fine, just, just say it.”

He took a deep breath. “Okay, first I just want to say that this doesn’t have to change anything, alright? I was trying not to be weird about it but I guess that just led me to being even weirder about it so I’ll make sure that doesn’t happen again.”

The three standing in front of him gave each other weird looks before Akaashi pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “Kuroo-san—”

But now Kuroo had hit his stride and it was all coming out, whether he wanted it to or not. “And I did try and ignore it! You know, repress-the-feelings-and-they-go-away sort of thing! But it didn’t work and then finals happened and I just got so stressed I hardly even had time to _think_ about it so it probably came out really strong and I feel really bad about that but—”

“Kuroo Tetsurou, stop talking right now before you make me explode.”

Kuroo looked up, mouth open, staring at Kenma. “What?”

“Tetsu, we were just going to talk to you about taking better care of yourself, not…all this.”

“Huh. No kidding.” Sure, Kuroo was still a little out of it from the past week, but did he really do something so dumb as _this_?

“And hold up, what was that you were talking about? About this not changing anything? Why would this not change anything?” Bokuto looked at Kuroo in astonishment, trying to figure out what he was trying to say. Truth be told, Kuroo hoped that once they figured it out, they could tell him because he wasn’t sure at this point either. Too much was happening all at once and he needed some time to process it all.

“Well, it might make things awkward, and while I understand if you don’t want to be roommates anymore, I kinda hoped that we could still be friends?”

“Tetsurou. You stole some of my pie earlier and I didn’t kill you, how much more of a confession do you want from me?"

“Wait, so, all of you? Actually?”

“Yes, Kuroo-san. For some reason that has escaped me, I do actually like you and want to take you on a date tomorrow night, if that’s alright.”

“If that’s…yes, it’s alright of course it’s alright let’s go back now because if someone comes walking by and sees me crying over my own luck and stupidity then I might have to drop out of school and move to Brazil.”

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone actually HAS written anything about either of the two topics Bokuto brought up then please please please send it to me because I just made these up on the spot and I'd love to actually see them now


End file.
